Asperger's and jellybeans
I lift my head, and looked into those eyes. I'm starting to notice something. It's familiar, and blessedly kind to me. I have to keep praying about it. But these are some of my past thoughts around this time o' year. When did I stop looking for it?
(actual journal entry from 3/28/94 8:55 pm)
today we played with David G.I. Joes on the porch, Wish Jeremy still lived in Park. I like my G.I. Joe's.
OK, I was still pretty much a little kid. Maybe the next year's entry. Oh wait, I have one in January '95, then June '95 (BTW, between those two dates is when I started noticing girls as attractive). Let's jump to the next year.
(actual journal entry from 4/05/96 10:28 pm)
V-B team didn't work out. went to Disneyland on 4/1/96 and LOVED it. If ever I get a girl-friend, I would take her there, 'cuz it's a great, magical, fantastic place. Iguess I'm too shy `r sumpthin', but I don't have guts to talk to anyone in H.S. If X could only know how much I like her, maybe She would like me back.
Well, I never told X how much I liked her. Will I ever tell some girl my true feelings? Probably, but I bet she won't like me back. (clutching my chest) Ow! My cynicism's acting up again!
(actual journal entry from 3/27/97 10:36 pm)
The EdgeOnLine is soo cool! There are alot of H.S. students and staff on the 50 list! I really wish I was cooler, or more muscular, or sumpthin'. Talked to Krista an' Patrick some, and Clyde alot. K. an' P. don't have e-mail!
I really want to have some girl like me... Sometimes I just feel like I'm not accepted or welcome, and I hate that. There are alot of people I know, and don't know in H.S. I gotta meet more people.
Sound familiar? I am back there in spirit, this very hour. I apologize to God for it. I must not embrace my human, sinful desires to socialize and be popular. I have to learn how to make friends without trying to be special.
Maybe all that matters is see who comes into view, in my periphery. Like Rick Holland's classic line about dating, "run full speed towards God, and then... look around and see who's running full speed too".
(Eph. 6:15) Time to lace 'em up.
