fear (day 5)

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your inspiration with others." - Robert Louis Stevenson

Day 5.

I'll tell you another time. But... trust me, I did it.

inspiration.

fear (day 4)

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way. -- Babe Ruth

Day 4. Soccer.

Not just soccer; park night soccer, with and against guys who are way better and more aggressive than I am.
Talked about it. Worried that I would get hurt; wondered if I would get busted up enough that I couldn’t run. Scared? Yeah.
So I went for it.
First thing I did was inadvertently bounce the ball off my hand. I was able to steal the ball a couple times, probably because I don’t (look like I) know what was going on. Took a bounce off the head, and kept going. Got a goal-speed-kicked ball into my jaw and neck. Kept playing. Wincing, but still in.
My face still hurts, and my toes feel like they’ve got rugburn, but it was fun, and I’m ready for something else. Something a bit more cerebral, though.

fear (day 3)

Peter Parker: You don't trust anyone, that's your problem.
J. Jonah Jameson: I trust my barber.

Day 3. change / haircut.

Despite the (eventual) baldness I’ve inherited, I’ve kind of been picky about my hair. Never wanted a comb-over, but I liked having some length. I’ve gotten the same haircut for almost 10 years. (number 5 on the sides, and about an inch off the top, no line in the back... ).
So, I went to Supercuts, and the haircutter lady asked me what I wanted. I asked what she thought I should get. She suggested a number 5 all over, and then a little shorter (4?) on the sides. She showed me the length my hair would be, and I felt the fight-or-flight tingle. And I said “go for it.”
It doesn’t look too bad. It’s surprised me a couple times in the mirror, but I think I could get used to taking suggestions that scare me.

fear (day 2)

I tend to scare myself. — Stephen King


Day 2. Heights.
Acrophobia.


Just to clarify, I’m not afraid of heights per se; the existence of tall buildings causes me no worry. Nor am I afraid of seeing others high off the ground, or falling, or getting hurt. I am scared of heights when faced with ‘em. I start to panic and (historically) quit when I realize that I will have to come back from whatever height I reach. Ever gotten scared by looking down from a ladder? That’s kinda what I get when I descend. It’s the instability; the dirt under my feet, the fatigue in my knees. Irrational panic. A speed bump that makes my mental Lamborghini bottom out.
So I decided to climb up the hardest path behind Brand library in Glendale. I’ve chickened out on this path a few times over the years. There are two other paths up to the lookout point; I’ve done the easy one a couple times, and the medium one once when a fellow hiker walked it in front of me.
Today, there was a family hiking up in front of me. I kept amusing myself by saying “HEY, a kid’s doing it!”... and slapping myself with “hey, a KID’s doing it”.
It was a great hike, and a breezy, beautiful day in L.A., but I kept my tunnel-vision against the path and the mountain. The fear danced in my periphery like Carlton Banks, daring me to look. I dared. More than once. It cranked the sweat valves up, and got my heart pounding like a “new message” icon.
The family stopped. They needed a breather. They told me I could pass ‘em, and I told them that I was fighting through a fear of heights. Offered them my back-pocket bottle of water. Then it dawned on me... most of my fears are assuaged when I talk about them. Maybe that’s why I need to write about it.
I went on ahead, and after a lot of heartbeats, I made it to the lookout spot. Very pretty, but... I needed to go higher. Further up. I kept hiking up the bare ridge that ascends to the antennas up on the highest hill. I got further than ever before. Anxiety high, knees shaking, forehead dripping, I reached a good turnaround spot, and then descended. Not easy; I HAD to crab walk down one part so as to not panic... even though I saw a barefoot guy do it ten minutes before.
I took the long, easy path back, and spent some quality time with my thoughts. I’m so glad I went the way I did because I got to see and hear an amazing event when the sun sank behind the closest hill.
I seriously thought some kids were throwing dirt clods or shooting airsoft guns at the plants, but after pausing, I saw what it was. The seed pods on some of the little valley bushes were exploding with the change in temperature. It was a great, clicking crackle popping noise. One blew up right near my face and hit my cheek! So amazing to witness.

fear (day 1)

A man who says he has never been scared is either lying or else he's never been any place or done anything. - Louis L'Amour

So, day 1.
In honor of shark week, and because I didn't want to try it again... today I took on sushi.
When asked, I was afraid to admit that I'm not a fan. I bet there's something you're scared to eat as well. The first time I ate at Chipotle I got a steak fajita burrito, and I was almost crying from the heat... I couldn't finish it. Now my order is chicken soft tacos (just sour cream, cheese, guac), and it's tied for my favorite meal.

Well, I went to Kabuki in Burbank, and after reading over the menu, I went inside. I immediately felt that rush of adrenaline you get when you realize that you've just been buckled into a rollercoaster. A slight eye twitch, a glance at the nearest exit, and then I knew I was in the right place.


I ordered a sampler. No sense taking the easy way out by only getting veggie or California rolls.

There was:
albacore (good)
regular tuna (thought I was biting my own tongue)
white fish (good)
yellowtail (too fishy, confused with white fish?)
salmon (slippery)
*krab (fake, I think...)
*sea eel (great, yet there were more bones in it than in my hand)
*shrimp (good)
*California rolls (avocado + eating a day at the beach)
(* = cooked)

I liked some, others gave me the shivers.
I think I'll need to keep trying; keep trying to find my order.

Oh, and I can still kinda taste it... is that normal?

fear (intro)

Fear is the new black.

I'm going to live this quote out

and write about it every day in the month of August.